


You're gonna live forever in me

by Ireadandwritethings



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:13:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25908667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ireadandwritethings/pseuds/Ireadandwritethings
Summary: Chloe is getting married and beca has no choice but to attend.Based on John Mayer's song 'you're gonna live forever in me'
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	You're gonna live forever in me

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on the song - you're gonna live forever in me by john mayer, it really is best if you have a listen to the song (you won't regret it)

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

_A great big bang and dinosaurs_

_Fiery raining meteors_

_It all ends unfortunately_

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

It was on a wednesday evening when she sees an elegant envelope sitting inside her mailbox, a wedding invitation.

She swallows nothing but air and it does nothing to her dry throat, she sees the names on the letter and it almost makes her fall to the floor, feeling as if the world decided to stop spinning and a part of her wants it to

_maybe if it stops spinning then maybe i get to rewind everything back to where it began_

It's her fault, that's what beca repeats to herself, that maybe if she had the courage to actually acknowledge everything she felt before then this isn't how her evening would be going, that maybe she doesn't have to attend a wedding she knows she doesn't want to see

But then again, it's Chloe's. It rattles her spine and it leaves her heart wounded seeing the names chloe and chicago side by side, asking her if she could come to their special day

_I couldn't, but you would never forgive me if i didn't go._

Of course she's going to attend, of course it will hurt her to see chloe and remember their times together but she'll be there even so, even just to give her a smile when she walks down the aisle

_But she isn't walking up to me._

_Maybe it's for the best,_

_Maybe this will allow me to finally move on_

It's been almost four years since they've been apart from that new york apartment. Starting new lives once again, but those few years in that little place were the memories she could never let go of and it keeps her awake at night, wondering if chloe cherishes those times as much as she does

Some people told her that maybe it wasn't meant to be, some say maybe someday they'll find their chance at love but it never came so she guesses she lands on the _wasn't meant to be_ option

_Of all the people in the world she had to fall for chloe, actually no, why did she have to fall in the first place anyway_

Love's a bitch. It wasn't something that came so easily for beca, it was a foreign feeling that made her feel scared, love never welcomed her with open arms, that is until chloe showed up in her life

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

_But you're gonna live forever in me_

_I guarantee, just wait and see_

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

Chloe taught her how to be happier, to live in the moment, to be unapologetically _her_. Chloe had managed to break down the walls she built up ever since she felt the sting of pain brought by other people to her and at first she hated it, thinking how one person can suddenly change how she lived

_That's chloe beale for you_

It was what she deeply needed though, someone in her life to make her feel _okay_ , and chloe did that, made her feel more than okay. Chloe made her feel so special, even in the slightest of things she had beca wrapped up tight on her fingers.

_From the start you already had me falling_

She _valued_ chloe, valued all her opinions, all her advice, anything that chloe told her, beca has memorized them all. She holds it deeply in her heart the way Chloe manages to tell her how her music is perfect but still not afraid to let her know when it needs a little change here and there

_You always knew what to say when i need you the most_

_All those years, constantly falling but never landing, **why?**_

The question irritates her, why wasn't she able to tell chloe that she loved her, that she _loves_ her. Why did she let her go without letting chloe know how much she meant to her. Why was she such a coward?

The months pass quickly for beca, she has a busy life that keeps her on the ground, letting her mind stay sane in the midst of chaos, she's thankful she loves her work, being tired because of it doesn't take a toll on her as much she thinks it should

Amy messages her a week before Chloe's wedding, asking her if she's okay, constantly reminding beca that the bellas are going to be there for her too and she wonders, asking amy why does she need to be taken care of on an event that doesn't really involve her and amy replies _"beca, it's okay. we know and we're here"_ a line that wasn't supposed to feel like a knife but it still cut her deep

She hates herself sometimes for losing in touch with the bellas, they promised each other that nothing would change but she realized in the long run that promises were only a thing people made to keep themselves from breaking when there's an unstable moment ahead

_"I promise chlo, I'll call every week"_

The thing about change is that you can never stop it and most of the time, you shouldn't. Beca changed, constantly and it makes her feel good since that change let's her grow but it also makes her eyes feel heavy because chloe had a big part on that change

_You made sure that i was on my way to be the best version of me before anything else_

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

_Parts of me were made by you_

_And planets keep their distance too_

_The moon's got a grip on the sea_

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

No matter how many twist and turns her story gets, chloe will always be a part of it all because she never would've reached her life today without chloe beale telling her to go ahead and reach for it

She stands in front of her mirror at the hotel she's staying at, all dressed up for a wedding she feels weak to attend to, her mind constantly debating if this is something she'll allow herself to go through, the knock on the door wakes her up from her thoughts, she looks through the peephole to prepare herself on the intrution

_I need air, alcohol and a little more time_

Amy automatically gives her a hug once she opens the door for her, asking her once again if she is okay and ready for the day ahead _"as ready as I'll ever be"_

A couple more minutes and three more bellas reached her hotel room. Emily, stacie and cynthia rose, all giving her a sad smile. Beca hates it, sure this day sucks for her but this is the first time she's seeing these people after a long time and she doesn't need their pity.

Beca tells them she's okay, repeatedly so because the first few times didn't really make a lasting impression but once they've let her be, things started to feel normal, as _normal_ as things can get for them again

They reach the wedding venue and she sees a couple more familiar faces, waving hi to the former bellas then her breathing becomes shaky again and when she feels stacie's hands on her back, guiding them to their seat, a sense of belonging she thought she lost made its way back to her and it comforts her

_Maybe I should've gone to her before the wedding to make things less awkward_

While seated on the pews, amy and stacie kept her busy as they asked how her life has been, the so called fame and etcetera, she answers them all with pure honesty but with quickness as well. She stops them for a second when she asks them if she should go and see chloe but even before they can let a word out the music starts

_Timing's a bitch_

She only recognizes flo and jessica from the entourage, a painful reminder that she and chloe have definitely gone their separate lives now. She sees chicago walking up the to the front and her blood starts to boil, and if the music were stopped maybe people can hear how her heart starts to break into millions of pieces

She sees Aubrey next, _so make it three people_. She figures she's the maid of honor since she's walking alone and when she looks at the door there's no one left behind to follow and like a bandaid being pulled she sees a white gown, red hair, and a familiar set of eyes that makes her heart beat faster

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

_And you're gonna live forever in me_

_I guarantee, it's your destiny_

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

The look that chloe gave her made her crumble, it was like returning to a favorite chapter from an old book that she kept ages ago. Beca knows that look, it was the look that she knows chloe gave to her only, a warm smile with eyes telling more than a thousand stories

_I don't think i can take any more of this_

Beca feels her body shutting down and when she hears _"speak now or forever hold your peace"_ her mind goes to places, millions of sentences filling it, her heart asking her to stand up and to profess her undying love for chloe, to tell the whole world how she was a coward then but she's ready to give in now

She wants to stand and to shout how much chloe means to her and that even though they've been lost from each other the past few years there was never a day chloe left her mind but instead, she chooses the poet's choice, the choice to sit down, the choice of memories instead of what may be because Chloe's happy, she sees it in her smile and it hurts her because it makes her happy that chloe _is_ happy, just not with her

She's been at the reception for an hour now and she's catched up with the bellas, she had a talk with aubrey, _it surprisingly went well,_ she avoided chloe in numerous occasions, and now she's looking at her watch, thinking that maybe it's time to go

_This is much better, this way we don't have to say things that we don't mean and by we, i mean me_

Beca says her goodbye, she calls her driver to pick her up and he tells her that he'll arrive in a couple of minutes so she goes to the garden at the back of the reception venue, wanting to breathe fresh air and to feel something other than constant hurt

She looks around and sees she is alone so she lets out a loud sigh that she's been holding back for hours and breathes in all the air she can _"how do i let you go chlo?"_ she let's the thought out, surprised it was said aloud but what surprises her more was the voice from someone behind her

_"Beca?"_

The ground below her feels like ice, it's solid and slippery and if she moves a little, she'll fall and hurt herself, it freezes her.

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

_Life is full of sweet mistakes_

_And love's an honest one to make_

_Time leaves no fruit on the tree_

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

_"Beca, What do you mean?"_

beca's forming words in her head that sound ridiculous now, somewhere from admitting the truth and complimenting Chloe's choice of flowers for the wedding

_"Oh uhm hey, i didn't see you..i just...just getting some air.. congratulations by the way, everything was lovely'_

Is it possible to burn from words, or to burn from lying? Beca thinks to herself, thinks that maybe she should just run now and never look back

_"Thank you and thank you for coming..i know how busy you are these days"_

Beca grins at the answer, immediately imagining herself answering " _do you though?"_

_"Of course, wouldn't miss it for the world chlo. Anyway i uhm, i'm leaving.. I'm just waiting for my driver so uhm thanks..for having me"_

_"You're leaving?, Already?"_

There's that pull chloe has on her, the sadness in her voice that beca feels the need to be alerted to

_"Yeah i have an early flight tomorrow"_

_"You were gonna leave without saying goodbye? You've been avoiding me the whole night"_

_"Well I'm saying goodbye now, and in my defense you're pretty busy so i didn't want to disturb you"_

_"Stop it, stop making excuses beca"_

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

_But you're gonna live forever in me_

_I guarantee, it's just meant to be_

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

This is it, the moment she's been avoiding, the moment where Chloe's hold on her tightens and at the same time will be forced to let go

_"I don't know what you mean chloe, i guess...i just didn't know what to say, I can't exactly come up to you and say hey right? Our relationship never worked that way, **i** never worked that way"_

_"What **is** our relationship?"_

_"What **was"**_

****

_"Okay then, what **was** our relationship?"_

_"God chloe! I...i don't know, **you** tell me"_

_"This could've been ours, you know"_

_"What are you saying?"_

_"Just a minute ago you were asking, how to let me go, I've asked myself that question about you for so many times but i never got the answer"_

It all feel surreal right now, beca feels relief that they're finally talking but talking will lead to an end, and she's not sure if she's prepared for that right now

_"It clearly looks you found the answer to that question"_

_"What's that supposed to mean?"_

_"We're here on your wedding day, chloe! That's what it means"_

_"You don't know how much pain i went through getting over... **this"**_

****

_"At least you're over it, while I'm still hanging"_

_"Beca **you** left, you moved on with your life, i tried to stay close with you but i felt you slowly wanting to go away, what did you expect me to do!?"_

_"Because what was the point chlo? What could we have done to make **this** work?"_

_"Everything beca. **I** would've done everything"_

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

_And when the pastor asks the pews_

_For reasons he can't marry you_

_I'll keep my word and my seat_

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

Heavy. Draining. Painful. Just a few words on top of beca's head that describes everything right now and the voice in her head mocks her, reminding her that she could've avoided this if she just didn't go or maybe if she could've just said how she felt before but she's here now and it's time to be honest. It's time to let go

_"I was scared. It means nothing now but i want to leave you today knowing that **you** know how i really felt, how i love you, how ever since that day on that stupid fair you are the one who kept me going, our memories in new york, our days as bellas, i will always hold them near me, i always ask myself how do i move on and i think in this moment I'm finally going to be able to do it, because seeing you happy with him, it hurts **but** if you're happy then I'm happy...just..just tell me, how. How do i stop loving you?"_

_"Beca, i **never** stopped loving you...but as time passed the kind of love i had for you changed, the day i realized that, it hurt me, because it ultimately meant losing you and that scared me but it was there and there was no more point of delaying what was inevitable"_

_"I'm sorry. for being a coward"_

_"I know, but in a sense, i guess we both were"_

_"Does he make you happy?"_

_"He does. He really does"_

_"Then I'm happy. I'm happy for you Chloe...maybe someday I'll get to love again too"_

_"I know you will, who wouldn't want to be in love with you"_

_"So i guess this is it"_

_"Thank you beca"_

_"Thank **you** chlo, for everything"_

She gets in the car that just arrived after their hug at the garden, the hug that lingers right now through her body, the hug that will last her a lifetime. Beca looks through the window and sees chloe one last time, and beca feels like smiling, no more were the feelings of scared and sadness, they've all been replaced with hope and relief. It's time for that change. She lets out a sigh, a less troubled one unlike before.

_"goodbye chloe"_

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

_But you're gonna live forever in me_

_I guarantee, just wait and see_

_––––––––––––––––––––––————_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, i was listening to the song again and bechloe immediately popped into my head so i decided to write a fic, anyway i hope you enjoyed reading!! i would love to hear your thoughts on it on the comments and a kudos would be much appreciated too :)


End file.
